Application to date my Daughter(s)
(Made famous when Dr. Laura Schlessinger read it on the air)

Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversize tires? _____ 
A waterbed? _____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _____ 
A tattoo? _____

(If you answered YES to any of the last 5 questions, discontinue application and leave at ONCE!)

In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?
_____________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?
_____________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “Abstinence” mean to you?
_____________________________________________

What is your Church affiliation? __________________
How often do you attend? __________
Best time to interview your Parents? ___________________
Your Preacher? ________________ Your Employer? ________________
Have you ever been fingerprinted? __________
Had a DNA sample taken & recorded? __________

Answer the following questions under oath:

The one thing I hope this application does not ask about me is:
_____________________________________________
A Woman’s place is in the:
___________________________________________
My greatest fear is:
____________________________________________

When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: _______________________

*Note: If your answer begins with a B, discontinue and LEAVE AT ONCE, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion, for your own safety.

CERTIFICATION OF ACCURACY BY APPLICANT: I swear all information above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge, under penalty of death, dismemberment, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.
________________________________________
SIGNATURE 

(If you have to ask what this means, you are a MORON, so tear up this application and leave immediately!)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.